A piece about my piece
Jun 15, 2016 10:15:24 GMT -5
Post by donk on Jun 15, 2016 10:15:24 GMT -5
I was asked recently by one of my favorite online friends to write a piece for her site. As of this moment, she’s still editing it. For writing a “piece” (versus a forum post), that would be the only thing I did differently. I edited it. Twice even.
I was pondering how it came out significantly different than the original stream of consciousness I spewed on the page. Inspired me to write this…an attempt at a piece about the subject she gave me (I thought I needed for a framework). It was a doozey.
A real tough one to get a solid handle on: “the alt community and where it is moving and what it needs to leave behind”. What I gave her was NOT a nice neatly packaged bundle with a clear point. So I thought I’d give making one a whirl, let’s see how it turns out…
My initial thought at the suggestion was that I AM the “alt community”! And as such, the “where I am moving” would be past the lie of Authority. The “what I need to leave behind” would be the lies I have been taught about reality (especially about ownership and celebrity and emotional attachments to beliefs). Lies. Lying to myself. What else is there?
I could do it in that single sentence, or expand it into a novel. For her, I chose something in between, an essay attempting to encapsulate my most recent “nows” (at that time) into a sort of “as above, so below” reflection…which I assume will be consumed by many as an attempt to be seen as clever and creative…(since that sort of IS what it is), but who knows? Maybe there is some value there, we shall see.
Regardless, in anticipation of seeing the finished product and how it is received, I am pre-emptively creating context…clarifying…re-thinking. Staring into the mirror I created not so long ago, refining my expression. This time, I will tell you a story:
Once upon a time, the alt community was the strange and whimsical creation that I found bumbling around the internet. I had all but exhausted the mainstream community of the news and research and information that I could find any value in. I was discovering that it was mostly disempowering loops supporting what I considered an anti-human mindset. I became so fed up with the reality “THEY” created (and we endlessly argue about, empowering/affirming/enabling it), that I jumped head first into this ALTERNATIVE reality (created by “OTHERS”)…without a single thought as to its origin (or initial intents), or a question of who those others might be.
In doing so, I repeated the same approach in my relationship to the scene that I had taken with the mainstream: I came for the information, stayed for the drama. And by “stayed” I mean ‘became emotionally attached to the culture of the community’. I asked a lot of questions, provided lots of feedback. Felt like I was thriving from this energy exchange, that it was a mutually beneficial give-and-take.
Though the “alternative” was SO much better, I found. Here, lots of topics could be discussed in a way that I could never be able to with “normal” folk, and through my participation, I actually managed to develop a fairly decent ability to emotionally detach and view from a diversity of perspectives. I want to emphasize that getting involved is a great way to learn and grow, it’s a wonderful proving ground if you are willing and able to work hard at it…but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Back in early 2012, I had discovered what I’ve come to conclude was a demon problem in my otherwise mundane life. The widely available corporate reports, government bills, peer reviewed scientific papers, and output of the associated press and its mainstream counterparts were certainly not providing practical information helpful to me, so after multiple 3rd party affirmations that there was indeed something strange going on (at the very least my house was haunted in a way that others could “see”), I found myself on a path toward resources that lead me to the world of David Icke and Project Camelot YouTubes. In retrospect, it seems that all roads lead to Icke, maybe he wasn’t too far off proclaiming himself Jesus!
Icke (and the like) certainly provides information that looks a lot more like the reality that we experience than what we are given by the more acceptable media, filling a lot of gaps with ideas that made a lot more sense than what I’d encountered anywhere else. And of course the YouTube, friend to all—seems to know you better than any person, will point you in his direction as soon as you explore a couple “fringe” topics. After you check out a few of his videos, you will be recommended a Project Camelot video, with Kerry Cassidy and Bill Ryan providing a large diversity of perspectives from people transmitting their alternative. Watching people share their extraordinary experiences was a godsend, not having anyone nearly as accessible to talk with about such things. So down-to-earth…”human”…even while telling us they’re aliens. I was hooked.
Later (relatively recently), I’d come to discover that a lot of these people (so new to me) had been around for a fairly long time. The “community” (as it is now) seems to have emerged when the communication about what was usually categorized as “ufology” or “the paranormal” made the jump--from Coast to Coast AM, newsletters, magazines and passed-around VHS tapes, etc.--to the user-friendly, easily accessible, and relatively free internet that we take for granted today.
There was a solid foundation of people who had been into the scene it forever…but with the advent of youtube and free blogs and easy forums, a whole new world opened up…and with it, an exponentially larger market. That’s one of the first lessons I learned: just because we call ourselves an alternative does not mean our thinking is necessarily that. More often than not, humans in this arena are just as motivated by the “mainstream” intentions of attention and/or material gain as anyone else. Just because the type of information we share is different does not mean that the way we do it (our behaviors and mindsets on the collective level) are really that much different.
Basically what I’m trying to portray is that one of the first things you will discover is that any time anyone tells a fantastical story, someone seems to be there projecting the motivation for money and attention. Which was pretty bizarre to me, it certainly does not seem to be very lucrative or glamorous to be a part of this community…even if you make your way into the celebrity class.
Some of us take longer than others to get to that point. The naïve, which I came in as, take it all in with total acceptance (well maybe taken with a single grain of salt…but one we don’t WANT to be true)…I mean who the fuck would make this shit up?? And where would any money come from? And who could possibly enjoy the inevitably negative attention?
Well, it takes all kinds…and to think your community is any different is (I guess) natural. When weird shit happens to you, unbelievable stuff you’ve never seen anyone talking openly about anywhere…it is like stepping into a different universe. I think we can be forgiven for giving the benefit of doubt that anyone here would be nothing but honest. Or maybe that’s just me? Whatever…
…Anyways, once I settled and learned that like anyplace else, the community is not always exactly as it seems, a new perspective on the community began to develop in me. Believing a lot of the “conspiracy” stories bandied about, I began projecting them on to the community itself. The world is matrix, “they” control, by manipulating our minds…what better place than here to practice the tech and tactics (and magick)? How could truth, we whine so much about being suppressed, ever be revealed on these silly websites out in plain view? Doesn’t everything we talk about contradict the fact that we’d ever be able to have such easy access to anything useful?
I mean, how often do we tend to project onto an external force, some “they”, seems to be at war with us gaining “the truth”? “They” being those that would prevent us from moving on from the same loops and dead ends that prevent us from actually changing and growing or learning practical, meaningful…whether it be reptilians, archons, demons, psychopaths, or whatever. We pine for a disclosure that our knowledge seems to prove is impossible to be delivered, a conundrum wrapped in an enigma, twisted in a paradox…ugh!
I (and many in the community) hold (and often push) the belief that “they” may actually be my(your)self…but I also have come to believe that whether it’s an external force doing it or not may not even be relevant or important, the only way it’s effective is when we stay emotionally attached to a belief, so ultimately we are personally responsible. Lying to ourselves seems to have been made into the greatest love of all…if we could just change that, maybe we could get somewhere.
Taking this perspective had me taking to heart the oft-repeated mantras of “know thyself” and “walk your walk”. I believe most people come to the alt community seeking refuge from the cognitive dissonances required to exist in the mainstream. I know I did. And what I found was a lot of the same defense mechanisms against unraveling them, even the most obvious.
I was thinking about listing some examples, but if you need some, you have a lot more work to do. I’m not pointing out specific verses that contradict the previous, just mentioning how that sort of shit is just as predominant in the thinking and logic of the “alternative” as it is in what it’s supposedly an alternative to. There’s not that enough of difference in mindset. The approach to the information, the way it is consumed, discussed, researched, and (false) logic applied to it. And I suspect a reason is how we lie ourselves into believing how much more self aware we are. We couldn’t possibly to our attachments to ideas…we are the ALTERNATIVE, after all! We know ourselves and walk our walk!!
The only walk that I’ve consistently seen walked on any forum or blog or youtube or comment section is the one where we use the authority-approved socially-accepted science and history be applied when convenient for proving oneself right (or another wrong), and making shit up when it doesn’t fit the scientific method or “provable” logic…which is exactly the walk that I deluded myself into thinking I was walking away from, finding an alternative to. This is tricky, I mean: I could be guilty of it now, no? Picking and choosing items from my own (narrow) experience to describe the entire community? I try to be different, I’m sure I don’t always succeed. Maybe it’s not fair, but I can say that at least one individual in this community feels this way, has experienced this.
Anyways…that’s a good segue into the other part of what I fondly thought of as my originally given homework assignment: where it is moving. Maybe I’m delusional, but I feel like I’m starting to see it change to what I’m trying to be. Moving way from the celebrity culture, where superficial authority can be earned by age old marketing techniques and appealing to emotional attachments…towards the genuineness of “regular” people sharing their extraordinary experiences. Where no one and nothing is above being questioned.
Personally, I have been trying to build relationships with anyone accessible to me. People that I resonate with, or at least seem to be aligned with my primary intent to share information in hopes of finding practical truth. I try setting an example by being as open and honest as I possibly can, whenever and wherever possible. By trying to hear those ideas and opinions that are hard for me to understand (or even hear), and trying to get other people to express them in a way that I can.
When I wanted to work out my reality publicly--with the most feedback I could find, in an environment I found comfortable--I went to Project Avalon (my entry into participating in the alternative community)…where spilling my guts about everything I could rewarded me, not only with valuable takeaways for my personal life, but valued relationships with a bunch of good folks I still call friends. When I started to see that other than the variety of topics discussed, it was not really an alternative in any other way--I tried my best to be the change I wanted to see. Failing at that (getting kicked off) I worked hard at understanding why, documenting any findings wherever I could whenever I found information that might be relevant.
It was a long (not always easy, but almost always rewarding) journey, but come to discover that the experience is what’s most important to me. I got “all up in it”…which definitely isn’t the road for everyone. But I found it amazing that there was a place to go where you could directly interact with people willing to share their anomalous experiences. But due to a lot of these dynamics I tried here to describe, combined with the fear of having information weaponized (used against us), the tendency is for those coming forward was to be just as likely to want attention as it was to share their knowledge and experience, that’s the arena we’ve created. The audience tendency toward far out fantastically stories bears as much of the responsibility.
So I continue to do what I can to try to shift the these tendencies by sharing my experiences as much as I can, as many appropriate places and ways that can, and plan to help encourage others to do so along with me. I started with this very site: one weekend when I wanted to hash out some of my ideas, and have a repository for “data” I wanted be able to come back to and reflect on. It made sense (to me, at that time) to do it in this format…a tool best fit for organizing it (despite my inability to organize anything), and even more importantly is most inviting for feedback (if not for me being so goddam boring and/or intimidating, apparently). I can’t really call it a forum, as I haven’t really made it into something anyone’s really felt like participating on or contributing to (with a few exceptions), but the potential is there—and I believe the feedback I crave comes in all sorts of ways…so I am grateful for this, and the many free resources available to express my intent, I <3 communication tech…no matter what motherfuckers are choosing to use and abuse it.
When I needed specific information transmitted for a focused intent, I started a blog. When I found a speaker whose intentions (and way of speaking and thinking) I admired, I developed a relationship where he felt comfortable talking to me. When a celeb I’d been friendly with but had many questions about invited me to talk to him, I jumped at the chance. And whenever I have the opportunity, I try to find ways to encourage others to contribute, in any way they can (maybe writing this counts for that?).
So while I continue to grow and hopefully evolve, at this particular moment what I would really like to see is more voices being heard, more innovative ways of transmitting different ideas, more accessible data for practical problem solving, more opportunities for those that want to exchange ideas for changing the collective mind. “I hope some day you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”
I was pondering how it came out significantly different than the original stream of consciousness I spewed on the page. Inspired me to write this…an attempt at a piece about the subject she gave me (I thought I needed for a framework). It was a doozey.
A real tough one to get a solid handle on: “the alt community and where it is moving and what it needs to leave behind”. What I gave her was NOT a nice neatly packaged bundle with a clear point. So I thought I’d give making one a whirl, let’s see how it turns out…
My initial thought at the suggestion was that I AM the “alt community”! And as such, the “where I am moving” would be past the lie of Authority. The “what I need to leave behind” would be the lies I have been taught about reality (especially about ownership and celebrity and emotional attachments to beliefs). Lies. Lying to myself. What else is there?
I could do it in that single sentence, or expand it into a novel. For her, I chose something in between, an essay attempting to encapsulate my most recent “nows” (at that time) into a sort of “as above, so below” reflection…which I assume will be consumed by many as an attempt to be seen as clever and creative…(since that sort of IS what it is), but who knows? Maybe there is some value there, we shall see.
Regardless, in anticipation of seeing the finished product and how it is received, I am pre-emptively creating context…clarifying…re-thinking. Staring into the mirror I created not so long ago, refining my expression. This time, I will tell you a story:
Once upon a time, the alt community was the strange and whimsical creation that I found bumbling around the internet. I had all but exhausted the mainstream community of the news and research and information that I could find any value in. I was discovering that it was mostly disempowering loops supporting what I considered an anti-human mindset. I became so fed up with the reality “THEY” created (and we endlessly argue about, empowering/affirming/enabling it), that I jumped head first into this ALTERNATIVE reality (created by “OTHERS”)…without a single thought as to its origin (or initial intents), or a question of who those others might be.
In doing so, I repeated the same approach in my relationship to the scene that I had taken with the mainstream: I came for the information, stayed for the drama. And by “stayed” I mean ‘became emotionally attached to the culture of the community’. I asked a lot of questions, provided lots of feedback. Felt like I was thriving from this energy exchange, that it was a mutually beneficial give-and-take.
Though the “alternative” was SO much better, I found. Here, lots of topics could be discussed in a way that I could never be able to with “normal” folk, and through my participation, I actually managed to develop a fairly decent ability to emotionally detach and view from a diversity of perspectives. I want to emphasize that getting involved is a great way to learn and grow, it’s a wonderful proving ground if you are willing and able to work hard at it…but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Back in early 2012, I had discovered what I’ve come to conclude was a demon problem in my otherwise mundane life. The widely available corporate reports, government bills, peer reviewed scientific papers, and output of the associated press and its mainstream counterparts were certainly not providing practical information helpful to me, so after multiple 3rd party affirmations that there was indeed something strange going on (at the very least my house was haunted in a way that others could “see”), I found myself on a path toward resources that lead me to the world of David Icke and Project Camelot YouTubes. In retrospect, it seems that all roads lead to Icke, maybe he wasn’t too far off proclaiming himself Jesus!
Icke (and the like) certainly provides information that looks a lot more like the reality that we experience than what we are given by the more acceptable media, filling a lot of gaps with ideas that made a lot more sense than what I’d encountered anywhere else. And of course the YouTube, friend to all—seems to know you better than any person, will point you in his direction as soon as you explore a couple “fringe” topics. After you check out a few of his videos, you will be recommended a Project Camelot video, with Kerry Cassidy and Bill Ryan providing a large diversity of perspectives from people transmitting their alternative. Watching people share their extraordinary experiences was a godsend, not having anyone nearly as accessible to talk with about such things. So down-to-earth…”human”…even while telling us they’re aliens. I was hooked.
Later (relatively recently), I’d come to discover that a lot of these people (so new to me) had been around for a fairly long time. The “community” (as it is now) seems to have emerged when the communication about what was usually categorized as “ufology” or “the paranormal” made the jump--from Coast to Coast AM, newsletters, magazines and passed-around VHS tapes, etc.--to the user-friendly, easily accessible, and relatively free internet that we take for granted today.
There was a solid foundation of people who had been into the scene it forever…but with the advent of youtube and free blogs and easy forums, a whole new world opened up…and with it, an exponentially larger market. That’s one of the first lessons I learned: just because we call ourselves an alternative does not mean our thinking is necessarily that. More often than not, humans in this arena are just as motivated by the “mainstream” intentions of attention and/or material gain as anyone else. Just because the type of information we share is different does not mean that the way we do it (our behaviors and mindsets on the collective level) are really that much different.
Basically what I’m trying to portray is that one of the first things you will discover is that any time anyone tells a fantastical story, someone seems to be there projecting the motivation for money and attention. Which was pretty bizarre to me, it certainly does not seem to be very lucrative or glamorous to be a part of this community…even if you make your way into the celebrity class.
Some of us take longer than others to get to that point. The naïve, which I came in as, take it all in with total acceptance (well maybe taken with a single grain of salt…but one we don’t WANT to be true)…I mean who the fuck would make this shit up?? And where would any money come from? And who could possibly enjoy the inevitably negative attention?
Well, it takes all kinds…and to think your community is any different is (I guess) natural. When weird shit happens to you, unbelievable stuff you’ve never seen anyone talking openly about anywhere…it is like stepping into a different universe. I think we can be forgiven for giving the benefit of doubt that anyone here would be nothing but honest. Or maybe that’s just me? Whatever…
…Anyways, once I settled and learned that like anyplace else, the community is not always exactly as it seems, a new perspective on the community began to develop in me. Believing a lot of the “conspiracy” stories bandied about, I began projecting them on to the community itself. The world is matrix, “they” control, by manipulating our minds…what better place than here to practice the tech and tactics (and magick)? How could truth, we whine so much about being suppressed, ever be revealed on these silly websites out in plain view? Doesn’t everything we talk about contradict the fact that we’d ever be able to have such easy access to anything useful?
I mean, how often do we tend to project onto an external force, some “they”, seems to be at war with us gaining “the truth”? “They” being those that would prevent us from moving on from the same loops and dead ends that prevent us from actually changing and growing or learning practical, meaningful…whether it be reptilians, archons, demons, psychopaths, or whatever. We pine for a disclosure that our knowledge seems to prove is impossible to be delivered, a conundrum wrapped in an enigma, twisted in a paradox…ugh!
I (and many in the community) hold (and often push) the belief that “they” may actually be my(your)self…but I also have come to believe that whether it’s an external force doing it or not may not even be relevant or important, the only way it’s effective is when we stay emotionally attached to a belief, so ultimately we are personally responsible. Lying to ourselves seems to have been made into the greatest love of all…if we could just change that, maybe we could get somewhere.
Taking this perspective had me taking to heart the oft-repeated mantras of “know thyself” and “walk your walk”. I believe most people come to the alt community seeking refuge from the cognitive dissonances required to exist in the mainstream. I know I did. And what I found was a lot of the same defense mechanisms against unraveling them, even the most obvious.
I was thinking about listing some examples, but if you need some, you have a lot more work to do. I’m not pointing out specific verses that contradict the previous, just mentioning how that sort of shit is just as predominant in the thinking and logic of the “alternative” as it is in what it’s supposedly an alternative to. There’s not that enough of difference in mindset. The approach to the information, the way it is consumed, discussed, researched, and (false) logic applied to it. And I suspect a reason is how we lie ourselves into believing how much more self aware we are. We couldn’t possibly to our attachments to ideas…we are the ALTERNATIVE, after all! We know ourselves and walk our walk!!
The only walk that I’ve consistently seen walked on any forum or blog or youtube or comment section is the one where we use the authority-approved socially-accepted science and history be applied when convenient for proving oneself right (or another wrong), and making shit up when it doesn’t fit the scientific method or “provable” logic…which is exactly the walk that I deluded myself into thinking I was walking away from, finding an alternative to. This is tricky, I mean: I could be guilty of it now, no? Picking and choosing items from my own (narrow) experience to describe the entire community? I try to be different, I’m sure I don’t always succeed. Maybe it’s not fair, but I can say that at least one individual in this community feels this way, has experienced this.
Anyways…that’s a good segue into the other part of what I fondly thought of as my originally given homework assignment: where it is moving. Maybe I’m delusional, but I feel like I’m starting to see it change to what I’m trying to be. Moving way from the celebrity culture, where superficial authority can be earned by age old marketing techniques and appealing to emotional attachments…towards the genuineness of “regular” people sharing their extraordinary experiences. Where no one and nothing is above being questioned.
Personally, I have been trying to build relationships with anyone accessible to me. People that I resonate with, or at least seem to be aligned with my primary intent to share information in hopes of finding practical truth. I try setting an example by being as open and honest as I possibly can, whenever and wherever possible. By trying to hear those ideas and opinions that are hard for me to understand (or even hear), and trying to get other people to express them in a way that I can.
When I wanted to work out my reality publicly--with the most feedback I could find, in an environment I found comfortable--I went to Project Avalon (my entry into participating in the alternative community)…where spilling my guts about everything I could rewarded me, not only with valuable takeaways for my personal life, but valued relationships with a bunch of good folks I still call friends. When I started to see that other than the variety of topics discussed, it was not really an alternative in any other way--I tried my best to be the change I wanted to see. Failing at that (getting kicked off) I worked hard at understanding why, documenting any findings wherever I could whenever I found information that might be relevant.
It was a long (not always easy, but almost always rewarding) journey, but come to discover that the experience is what’s most important to me. I got “all up in it”…which definitely isn’t the road for everyone. But I found it amazing that there was a place to go where you could directly interact with people willing to share their anomalous experiences. But due to a lot of these dynamics I tried here to describe, combined with the fear of having information weaponized (used against us), the tendency is for those coming forward was to be just as likely to want attention as it was to share their knowledge and experience, that’s the arena we’ve created. The audience tendency toward far out fantastically stories bears as much of the responsibility.
So I continue to do what I can to try to shift the these tendencies by sharing my experiences as much as I can, as many appropriate places and ways that can, and plan to help encourage others to do so along with me. I started with this very site: one weekend when I wanted to hash out some of my ideas, and have a repository for “data” I wanted be able to come back to and reflect on. It made sense (to me, at that time) to do it in this format…a tool best fit for organizing it (despite my inability to organize anything), and even more importantly is most inviting for feedback (if not for me being so goddam boring and/or intimidating, apparently). I can’t really call it a forum, as I haven’t really made it into something anyone’s really felt like participating on or contributing to (with a few exceptions), but the potential is there—and I believe the feedback I crave comes in all sorts of ways…so I am grateful for this, and the many free resources available to express my intent, I <3 communication tech…no matter what motherfuckers are choosing to use and abuse it.
When I needed specific information transmitted for a focused intent, I started a blog. When I found a speaker whose intentions (and way of speaking and thinking) I admired, I developed a relationship where he felt comfortable talking to me. When a celeb I’d been friendly with but had many questions about invited me to talk to him, I jumped at the chance. And whenever I have the opportunity, I try to find ways to encourage others to contribute, in any way they can (maybe writing this counts for that?).
So while I continue to grow and hopefully evolve, at this particular moment what I would really like to see is more voices being heard, more innovative ways of transmitting different ideas, more accessible data for practical problem solving, more opportunities for those that want to exchange ideas for changing the collective mind. “I hope some day you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”